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Do you have someone like that? Someone you'd protect with your life?
When those words came across the screen, Katniss almost stopped breathing for a second. Because she knew the answer, without hesitation she knew because she had. She'd only been talking about Prim when she'd first answered Caprica's question, but she knew that she still had someone she'd die for.
And that...it scared her. It had always scared her, how much she felt for Peeta, even before it had been used as a weapon against her. How strong it had become just after their first Games, and how much stronger it had become despite everything, the fact that most days anymore it was all she had to cling to....it was terrifying, because two years ago the idea of losing him had chilled her and now she knew beyond a doubt that without him....
But the same could have been said about Prim, certainly. Losing Prim had made the bottom fall out of her world. So, maybe she did love Peeta. But was it like she loved Prim, like she'd loved Gale, or....
Or was it like he loved her?
From his spot on the floor, Yarrow uncurled his large body and stretched, padding over to sit at her feet. He'd been doing this a lot over the last few days, silently staring and waiting until she talked to him. To herself, she thought, and that was still strange. That this cat was her--though, in a peverse kind of way, it made the idea of talking to oneself seem a bit less crazy. They'd talked about what they were going to do here (probably wait until they asked about scouting somewhere and be useful that way, since there wasn't much to be traded for back home), the nightmares (Yarrow felt them more than saw, but his nuzzling was still some comfort), and random things throughout their days. She'd avoided talking much about her feelings, until now. Now, it seemed, she wasn't getting out of it. Served her right for answering Caprica in the first place.
Sighing, she dropped the PHS onto the bed and rubbed Yarrow's ears.
"Yarrow?"
Mmm? Yarrow perked his ears slightly.
"...I'd still die for Peeta," she started, slowly. Yarrow smacked his lips, settling his chin on her knee.
Mmm-hmm
"And...it's not just because of the bread or the Games, or because he'd do it for me. I mean, it is, but it's more too."
I hope you're actually going somewhere with this Yarrow mumbled, though Katniss thought she heard a note of teasing in his voice. She chewed on her lip and idly rubbed her thumb against the top of Yarrow's head before continuing.
"...It's because I love him." There was a note of question in her voice, but it was faint--much less uncertainty there then would have been a year ago.
Yes, Yarrow said, with a bit of a sigh, as if this was something they'd talked about many times before. Which, Katniss supposed, they had. He just hadn't been visible at the time.
She almost asked something more. How she knew this type of love was different from what she felt for Prim and what she'd felt for Gale, but how exactly and why had the stirrings of it been there so early on, and why it felt like her heart beat differently around him. She was still terrified of it though--of the absolute force of it--and these small steps forward, even just admitting there was love and not just obligation, were difficult enough. So she settled for rubbing her fingers under Yarrow's chin.
"Okay," she said, softly, and took one long breath before picking up the PHS to answer Caprica.
When those words came across the screen, Katniss almost stopped breathing for a second. Because she knew the answer, without hesitation she knew because she had. She'd only been talking about Prim when she'd first answered Caprica's question, but she knew that she still had someone she'd die for.
And that...it scared her. It had always scared her, how much she felt for Peeta, even before it had been used as a weapon against her. How strong it had become just after their first Games, and how much stronger it had become despite everything, the fact that most days anymore it was all she had to cling to....it was terrifying, because two years ago the idea of losing him had chilled her and now she knew beyond a doubt that without him....
But the same could have been said about Prim, certainly. Losing Prim had made the bottom fall out of her world. So, maybe she did love Peeta. But was it like she loved Prim, like she'd loved Gale, or....
Or was it like he loved her?
From his spot on the floor, Yarrow uncurled his large body and stretched, padding over to sit at her feet. He'd been doing this a lot over the last few days, silently staring and waiting until she talked to him. To herself, she thought, and that was still strange. That this cat was her--though, in a peverse kind of way, it made the idea of talking to oneself seem a bit less crazy. They'd talked about what they were going to do here (probably wait until they asked about scouting somewhere and be useful that way, since there wasn't much to be traded for back home), the nightmares (Yarrow felt them more than saw, but his nuzzling was still some comfort), and random things throughout their days. She'd avoided talking much about her feelings, until now. Now, it seemed, she wasn't getting out of it. Served her right for answering Caprica in the first place.
Sighing, she dropped the PHS onto the bed and rubbed Yarrow's ears.
"Yarrow?"
Mmm? Yarrow perked his ears slightly.
"...I'd still die for Peeta," she started, slowly. Yarrow smacked his lips, settling his chin on her knee.
Mmm-hmm
"And...it's not just because of the bread or the Games, or because he'd do it for me. I mean, it is, but it's more too."
I hope you're actually going somewhere with this Yarrow mumbled, though Katniss thought she heard a note of teasing in his voice. She chewed on her lip and idly rubbed her thumb against the top of Yarrow's head before continuing.
"...It's because I love him." There was a note of question in her voice, but it was faint--much less uncertainty there then would have been a year ago.
Yes, Yarrow said, with a bit of a sigh, as if this was something they'd talked about many times before. Which, Katniss supposed, they had. He just hadn't been visible at the time.
She almost asked something more. How she knew this type of love was different from what she felt for Prim and what she'd felt for Gale, but how exactly and why had the stirrings of it been there so early on, and why it felt like her heart beat differently around him. She was still terrified of it though--of the absolute force of it--and these small steps forward, even just admitting there was love and not just obligation, were difficult enough. So she settled for rubbing her fingers under Yarrow's chin.
"Okay," she said, softly, and took one long breath before picking up the PHS to answer Caprica.
